Why marriage?

Here are a few reflections of mine on Dennis Rainey’s Preparing for Marriage (originally published 1997), which Kendel Lyn and I read in 2020 during marriage counseling with Gary and Maria Buck of Hopewell Christian Fellowship.

Why marriage?

Ideal reasons I affirm:

Theological: to incarnate image of relationship between God and the church.

Legal: to make shared ownership easier.

Philosophical: the life drawn so close to another will shine light on where I need to improve in order to love better and enable a setup where I can love Kendel Lyn even more.

Historical: to continue the tradition handed to me by the church and by my family.

Romantic: to experience a deeper sense of intimacy between Kendel Lyn and I.

Picture: Bob and Sherry

1.     It seems like they will be able to make the relationship work, though perhaps they didn’t discuss enough their expectations for one another and for their relationship. They also didn’t discuss children and church – a subject that may bring up conflict between them. They also probably would have benefitted from discussing further their personal history and its impact on them.

2.     I would say no given their lack of discussion of the aforementioned topics.

3.     They want to get married partly because of their tire of being single – a poor reason if alone to get married. Fine if part of a larger picture though. They also saw each other do things in dating that they hoped for in a spouse, even if some of those things they had not done before dating – such as Sherry’s fishing and perhaps Bob’s vulnerability.

I missed the good observation that they only knew each other six months before engagement ­– not even enough time to know each other in each season. Further, they never lived near one another geographically – another experience which informs one’s decision to marry.

Truth: Purpose One: Mutually Completing One Another

1.     Without Eve, Adam couldn’t represent God’s intra-Trinity love as tangibly. By having no relationship with other humans, Adam could not as fully incarnate the image of God.

2.     No animal shared Adam’s image or likeness fully enough to make a suitable helper. No other animal shared Adam’s sapience.

a.     Created Eve – other people


Alike: both enjoy sports and board games. Both appreciate style. Both self-identify as Christians. Both hard working and want to have a sense of independence. Both want children. Both generally happier to comply with state regulations of the economy and social behavior.

Different: I engage more frequently in divergent thinking, in contrast with Kendel Lyn’s more frequent convergent thinking. Kendel Lyn’s sense of independence is more dependent on the practice of financial independence, whereas my sense of independence is more based on possessing the capability of independence. I’m more amenable to the green party due to my easier acceptance of social democracy. I’m more interested in adoption only and KL more interested in at least one biological child.

4.     My weakness in event planning KL makes up for – getting things done and making the plans, knowing questions to ask and things to do – knows how to operationalize plans and which conventional plans to realize. Yet I come up with general event ideas and schedule more frequently smaller social gatherings. KL manages event scheduling communication with some friends like Krista and Allie for scheduling events with those friends.  I come up with more unconventional event ideas like streaming for remote board games with friends.

5.     The couple may begin to doubt whether or not they should stay together.


I have a sense of completeness without being married.

Purpose Two: Multiplying a Godly Legacy

6.     Be fruitful and multiply as a command whose meaning changes through the ages according to the time and place? Now as more be fruitful with spreading God’s love?

7.     Children as a blessing because they give pride when viewed facing enemies. Children should be taught the law and testimony of God so they will keep God’s commandments and remember God’s works.

8.     Mothers and fathers have often the most influence on a child’s development, making it important for them to carefully form that influence.

Purpose Three: Mirroring God’s Image


We mirror God’s

To each other

To others


When we stick with one another after the other has done something aversive

When we continue to work to the benefit of a community despite setbacks and pushbacks


When we forgive one another

When we forgive others


In sex

When we stand together on a conviction



Is it mysterious that husband and wife were chosen? They seem well suited to do it, especially in light of their anatomy.